The parking lot fight

I should have started this 9 months ago when I started this job. Even if no one else reads it, or can relate to it, I think everyone's sick and tired of hearing me bitch about my boss that makes 'The Devil Wore Prada' look like St. Teresa!
I work for a company that is for sale. Want to buy it and fire our GM??? We're part of the payoff for the TARP money this particular business was given in the weeks of bailout frenzy. I'm not allowed to say what company it is, or mention it in any blog, forum, email or anything else, so you'll have to guess who I work for... That not withstanding, I love my job!! I really do!! I've had lots and lots of jobs and some of them more horrible than others, some more wonderful, but this job is interesting and always changing and challenging and I'm GOOD at it!!
The problem is my GM. I don't like to use the word hate, but it comes pretty close to how I feel about her. And I can truly only think of one person in my life I've ever come this close to actually hating... my abusive, alcoholic ex... but that's another blog entirely.... I think!
OK, here's Friday's scenario. I'm doing my work and believe me I don't have time to surf on Etsy or eBay during my day. No breaks, just a half hour lunch and otherwise I and my 'man secretary' are busy, busy, busy. Our GM spends most of her day (when she shows up at all) in her office with the door shut or out running around on her 'appointments'. On those appointment days she usually comes back with her hair done or a big lunch from Panera's (don't get me going on watching her eat with her mouth open and food falling out! UGH). OH!! You meant BEAUTY SHOP appointment!! We thought you might have been out seeing clients or getting leads. Ooops! Forgot that's MY job even tho it's really NOT. I just inherited it from you so you could take all the glory for it when your RVP (regional vice prez) calls... Just like you do when I pull all the numbers every day of the work week together to put out a newsletter so YOU can run the Friday meeting!! No matter that you have no earthly idea where all those numbers I compiled and put together come from, I've heard you with my own ears with the RVP saying that YOU put out a newsletter. I DO IT!!!! You couldn't even run the Friday meeting without my newsletter!!!
Back to Friday.... Some of our workers have FMLA hours. Some of them abuse that privilege and use their hours so they don't have to come to the Friday meeting because they know they're going to go off on the GM and NOBODY talks her down, believe me!!! She's the in your face, spitting on you when she talks, fast talking, loudmouth bitch!! In particular I have one worker who she is trying to fire because his production is zero, but he can't be fired or put on counselling while he's on FMLA, so I'm expected to take 3 or 4 hours from him every Friday that he doesn't show up for the company meeting. Well, last Friday (yesterday) , he didn't call in until about 2pm. He's suppose to call in by 10:30 because my reports have to be electronically sent in by 11:00. I got so busy with my new job that isn't even suppose to be my job, but that I have to do (It's HER job, but she 'volunteered US' to do it.... US means ME), that I didn't report any FMLA hours for this goofball. It was five minutes before go home time and she asks about him calling in with his FMLA hours and I told her he didn't report any. Here's where it starts to get psycho.....
She put one hand on each side of her head and bunches up her hair until she shaking like her head is going to blow up and screams, 'We talked about this!!!!! You stood right there many times while we talked about this!!!!!! We went over and over this!!!!!!! He has to report his FMLA hours and if he doesn't and doesn't show up for the meetings on Friday, you have to report 3 or 4 hours of FMLA hours!!!! You KNOW that!!!! We've talked about this!!!!' OK, she's one of those people who can't just tell you something one time in one sentence or maybe even in one paragraph. She's has to beat it into the ground until you want to come over the desk and tear her throat out or tell her to shut the fuck up!!! I mean, it goes on and on and on!!!! So, I've heard about enough of it and I'm being a good flunky and saying, 'Yes, OK, I'm right now reporting 3 hours for him for today. OK, it's done, I reported him for 3 hours'.. Meanwhile, she's packing up and heading out the door. I'm trying to go home too because it's freaking past time to go home!! She turns out the fucking lights as she leaves the building!! She leaves me in there in the dark trying to get my key in the back room lock so nobody can get in that way until I unlock it on Monday. To turn the light back on it means walking the whole length of the hallway and then the whole way back and I have my big Kathy purse (love that purse), Vera Bradly bag with lunch leftovers, water bottle, book, my jacket, etc. So, I'm getting even more ticked off as I think about why she would turn the light off when she knew I was still in there.... Because she's psycho???? I finally get out the front door where she's still trying to put all the bags of shit she carries around with her (what IS in all those big store bags she carries with her everywhere???). As soon as she sees me she starts out again! 'Now next week if ---- doesn't show up, you're going to take 3, no 4 hours of FMLA hours and report them on him. He's an HR nightmare and I want to use up those FMLA hours every single week. So, you remember in the future that we're (we're meaning I'M and in ME) to be sure and get those hours reported because we did talk about this many times...' etc.. I just shook my head and kept walking to my car. I'm on the verge of screaming and just want to get in my car and go the fuck home!! So, I'm putting my keys back in my purse after locking the building up and I'm in my car with my door closed. I turn back to the steering wheel and WHAM WHAM she's knocking on my car window!!!! My heart just fell. I opened the door and felt my blood pressure go up a notch or two. For the next half hour with hands flying and spittle flying and lips flapping and fat flopping she's proceeds to try to convince me that she wasn't mad at me, she was mad at the worker who abuses his FMLA hours. NOT mad at me. NOT NOT NOT mad at me... riiiiiggghhhhttt.... She wants to know why I felt like that was a personal assault on me. She told me that I had 'that look' on my face that she doesn't like... You mean my I HATE YOU look?? I was at the point in time when you feel like you're just going to throw things out to fate and let the results land where they do because you're so fucking mad and stressed that you don't really give a fuck that you're about to become a raging maniac and start screaming. I told her that when she grabbed her hair and was literally shaking and telling me that we'd been over this over and over when this was discussed and why hadn't I reported any hours, blah, blah that I felt that was aimed at me. 'OH NO!!!!! NEVER was that directed at you!! Why would you think that???' she says.. EXCUSE ME????? 'OHHHHH NOOOOOOOO!!!! I was frustrated with HIM NOT YOU!! I think you're just like me.' JUST LIKE YOU???? If that had even a modicum of truth to it, I'd slit my wrists! So, this goes on for the whole half hour... her trying to convince me that she wasn't mad at me. That I was doing a GREAT job... read as: I'm the one who knows where the newsletter numbers can be found and how to do the new leads assignments you volunteered (me) for... Finally after this repetitious exchange of 'you're not the target' from her and my co-dependant 'I want to be the best office manager you've ever had' she states 'Next time if you think I'm mad, ask me "Is it me you're mad at or the situation" and know what I'll always answer???? IT'S YOU, BITCH.' At which time she grabbed my arm too hard and walked away laughing 'Go ahead, call HR'
I HATE MY BOSS!!!!